Deja A.

Mandell


Daddy, usually someone to be idolized
But I don’t get to feel that way
And it’s all because of you
The only thing I really get to hear you say is Merry Christmas or happy birthday
And for some reason I don’t think I’ll get to hear those words on the 27th of May
Because you never pick up your phone when I call you and
You never call me back

It would be nice if you actually called to see if I was still livin’, breathin’, and doin’ okay
I see Terneara with her father and it burns a hole inside of me
I hear them on the phone, going out and spending time together, oh and
they even went and got their picture on a dog tag that says ‘together forever’
It makes me wanna ball myself up in a corner and wish I never knew you
 
It’s not like you can’t call
Because you call Nana, Shavon, Dominic, Taje, Jennifer, Aryanna, and even Charlene
When I do talk to you this is what I really wanna say
But then I hear your voice and all these bad feelings disappear
And because of you doin these things it made me the way I am today
It’s not easy for me to trust anyone, let alone my own friends
Promises mean so much to me now
If someone breaks a promise they made to me
I’ll never believe another word that comes out of their mouth
 
To tell you the truth the thought of you makes me wanna throw up
When I look at your pictures, smiling without a care in the world, like
you don’t care that you’re hurting me
I get this feeling in my gut
I want to talk to you but I’m afraid
 
Why didn’t you just stay where you were?
Outta my life
Why couldn’t you just leave me and my mom alone once you found out you were gonna be a daddy
Cause that’s all you did when I was born until I was 11 or 12
Then you showed your big face in my life
With those big brown eyes identical to mine, nose, lips and my smile,
yeah that’s right my smile, the smile you took from me
Daddy—no I’m not gonna call you that anymore
You don’t deserve that name
Mandell
Yea that’s what I’m gonna call you from now on
I thought you loved me
But really you waited that long for what?
There’s no excuse, no reason
 
But after writing this I just realized something…
I don’t need you anymore, so you know what
I don’t know why I’m still even writing…
I’m through with you




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Copyright 2002-2006 Student Publishing Program (SPP). Poetry and prose 2002-2006 by individual authors. Reprinted with permission. SPP developed and designed by Strong Bat Productions.