Student Publishing Program ::

Kris Camelio

Minimal Use of the Delete Button

Life pretty much
It fritters away
It’s kind of like the land before time
When the dinosaurs decayed
Beer will make you healthy
If you drink it in small doses
Upon consumption
You just got to make the right choices
It’s like that guy from Winchester
Who used to play basketball
He was probably the best or something
Rumor has it, 1st draft pick overall
I don’t really believe it, though
I think his name was Bob Bigalow
Spell-check told me his name was Bob Big Low
Boy, was he a Big Big Loader
But he gave up on his dreams
Now he’s selling teens on the dangers of chewing tobacco
He is no longer a fiend
Instead of cards, he has glamour shots of a man with no jaw
It’s like
“I’m past the Skoal
I’m onto bigger and better things -
I do crack yo!”
Said everyone in my health class
Bob was really tall
That’s why anyone listened to him
If I were as tall as he,
Tall would be me.
I would apply for a job
As the pope
I could control the mob
And all the townsfolk
Who would dare tell me otherwise?
If I have an extensive hat
And to take it off me would mean one's demise
All I would have to do is never sit
Or sleep
But I could do it for a few weeks
I’d probably get ugly
I need my beauty sleep
When he’s not on Vatican patrol,
It makes me wonder how the pope does roll
What does the pope wear casually?
I’d bet it’s a masterpiece
Perhaps a cheesy suit made of dollar bills
Known to the rich as Ben Franklin’s feces
But that’s the advantage of having more capital
You now have the upper hand in any relationship
You could buy happiness
It’s like battleship
If they go for F1 and your checking account is say a destroyer that takes up F2 and F3
Then you know they only said F1 because their rowboat is in that exact location
But in a parallel sea
What are they to do? Hit the game really hard and pray that all the pegs fly out leaving you both with no recollection of a Battleship collaboration?
They’d have to knock that game back a score
But like Newton’s law of science said
You can do anything assuming it’s hardcore
You could break through sheet metal with a Weepul considering the speed it sped
You know, the fuzzy things that they tried to pass off as prizes for a magazine drive back in the days of middle school as sold by Jim Davis [Not to be confused with the ‘cartoon guy’]
All you needed was one ticket
And lots of suckers to buy
If you sold 1000 subscriptions
Maybe via chain mail, blackmail
Or crucifixion
You could bathe in Weepuls.

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